I change fast. Well, in general, people change with rather alarming speed. I didn’t think I was people, however. But, here I am, completely neglecting my online presence, something I would have never let myself do but a year ago. As I progress further into what I hope is a film career, the “real” world, as it were, my identity in the virtual world seems more and more pointless.
Actually, my identity in the real world seems pretty pointless these days as well.
As antisocial as I was before I was with Trista, other than my listless, drunken forays into the college social scene, I’m even moreso these days. Now that I have a better half, meeting and impressing people just isn’t important to me anymore. Even maintaining current relationships seems like too much effort. There’s really only two goals in life right now: become a better filmmaker, and be with Trista. I never thought my sights would be lined up so solitarily. This is probably a bad habit to start, film being such a collaborative work, but I like this feeling of drifting in a sea of faces. ‘Cause as outcast as I might feel… well, it doesn’t matter. We have we.
I am happy. People aren’t with me. This seems pretty par for the course. My present time seems to be ever-filled with deadlines — family, friends, friends of acquaintances of needy people who forget my face but not that I can fix things. But the future smells faintly of white nectarines and shared morning air. That’s all that gets me started anymore.
October 6th, 2005 at 06-10-2005 @ 9:00 AM
your page looked so sad without any comments, so i thought i would leave you one so that you would know that i was here. poot.