Does Superman hit a lot of bugs with his face when he’s flying around? You’d figure he has to hit a ton of ‘em going at those speeds. You think people would still want to be saved by him then? The headlines: “I was saved by a bug-splatted man.”

Honestly.

Besides writing that, my other accomplishment of the day was eating a bag of honey mustard pretzels, but I think you could already tell.