I was up last night finishing my Director’s Notebook for class, which is basically the complete production plan for a short film, and I swung by the local 7-11 to grab a Monster energy drink as I usually do on these nights. The stuff’s unhealthy as all hell, and gives me chihuahua-shakes like nothing else for hours afterwards, but nine out of times it gets the job then.

I noticed that they had a new flavor of Monster called “Monster Assault”, which has the refreshing properties of avocado or something new.

I’m sorry, does this new(ish) drink not sound like a grand felony to anyone else?

“Charlie Tran, for crimes against the Wazowski family, we the jury find you guilty on fifteen counts of MONSTER ASSAULT.”