Life runs fully round. Not quite circular for me, but probably more like a triangle. And the respective corners, history reveals, are:

1) Full blown emo’d out depression / loneliness
2) Working hard towards something (usually a degree or directing a movie)
3) Complete irreverent happiness (a relationship, or a new pet… possibly a sock purchase)

If the previous three posts weren’t signatory of this, I’m deteminedly traversing between 1 and 2 at the moment. Friends new and old skitter about in my life, an IM here, a favor asked there, but the large part of my time is spent quietly working at my new job or on school stuff (still have a couple gross GEs to get out of the way). A lot of time lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I’m ever going to be famous.

Loneliness, my type anyway, can only be conquered with some vigorous introspection. Sure I can go out with friends, frequent parties, bury myself in work and film and graphic design projects — but a good chunk of my brain is always sitting on my apartment balcony, gazing across rooftops, wondering if anyone’s wondering about me and feeling pretty sure that they’re not. Feeling alone isn’t so much just an empty heart, but more rather not feeling your presence in other people’s hearts. Just thinkin’ of me? Anybody?

And finally I brushed off the thoughts of others as a crutch that could only carry me so far, and had to resort to thinking of myself. A bit of a half-solution — kind of like being thirsty, and swallowing your own saliva. But it’s a start, it can at least get me moving along the triangle again. I guess I am really at that midpoint right now, cause hah, I should be finishing my group project for Human Sexuality right now but here I am blurbing to in-tar-net strangers again. It’s good to be back!